The marvelous richness of human experience would lose something of rewarding joy if there were no limitations to overcome. The hilltop hour would not be half so wonderful if there were no dark valleys to traverse. ~ Helen Keller

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

The Ghosts of Anderson Street

Mom and dad moved our family from New Jersey to Colorado in the spring of 1958. We lived in my uncle’s basement until dad found a job. A few months later, my parents bought a brand new tract home in Thornton, Colorado, a small suburb north of Denver.

Our house on Anderson Street was a thousand square feet, constructed with red bricks topped by shake shingles. It cost $10,000, a hefty sum in 1958. Back then Thornton was out in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by open pastures where horses and cattle grazed, a few dairy farms, and occasional wheat fields. We could hear cows mooing and roosters crowing early in the morning.

Many of the young families in that close-knit neighborhood were veterans buying their first home. A few families came and went but a core group remained. They held parties in each other’s basements, neighborhood receptions to celebrate any number of events from weddings to births to anniversaries. Dad was always inventing fun games for us kids to play. He loved the hubbub and commotion, a gaggle of kids surrounding him, eager to hear his silly stories and ready to try out the skis he fashioned from curtain rods.

The years passed and the neighbors grew older. Many began to retire. Their kids married and moved away, returning with grandkids in tow. Two of mom and dad’s closest neighbors were in the houses just north of theirs. Ruth lived next door. She was a divorced woman who had successfully raised three children on her own. Next to Ruth were Joyce and Paul, a busy, active, fun-loving couple who moved to Colorado from Minnesota with their eight children.

Dad had the gift of gab and loved to flirt with the neighborhood ladies. Mom mostly rolled her eyes and would admonish him to let others get a word in edgewise. Along with Joyce and Ruth, my parents enjoyed spending afternoons and evenings on each other’s front porches, sharing a cold beer, telling stories of kids and grandkids and the good old days, waving at cars as they drove by, whether they knew the drivers or not.

Ruth was a quiet soul with a sweet giggle, a woman who enjoyed playing songs on her old upright piano. With windows open in summer, everyone knew when Ruth was enjoying a musical interlude. Joyce was vibrant and full of life, a tiny, affectionate woman with a hearty laugh and a beautiful smile, perpetually on the move.

Dad was devastated after mom died, having lost the love of his life. He remained close friends with Joyce and Ruth and they kept up their front porch visits for a while. But now they began to discuss their losses, problems with aging and accompanying aches and pains, and how much the neighborhood was changing right before their eyes.

About the same time dad began to struggle with complications from congestive heart failure, Joyce and Ruth were both diagnosed with cancer. They fought their personal battles for as long as they could. Ruth passed away on a Friday in March. Joyce left this world three days later, the following Monday. My brother Ted took dad to Ruth’s memorial service at the neighborhood mortuary on Wednesday. It was a warm, sunny day. Dad visited with neighbors and old friends and by all accounts enjoyed the time he spent with everyone, in spite of the solemn occasion.

Outside the funeral home, dad leaned on his cane while Ted went to get his vehicle and pick him up. Ted turned the key, then looked over to see dad had collapsed on the grass lawn in front of the mortuary. He said to himself “Oh, dad…” and he was gone in the blink of an eye.

The last few years of his life, dad would tell us that he was too bad for heaven and too good for hell, so he was just waiting around until God figured out what to do with him. There is no doubt in my mind what God decided.

Ted and I spent a few months fixing up and emptying our childhood home then sold it to complete strangers. The last day I set foot in our house was surreal. It had never been so empty, so quiet. I could almost hear mom’s power machines whirring away in the basement, dad’s cowboy shoot-'em-up movies playing loudly on the television, Raggs barking at the front gate.

Dave took pictures all around the house, every nook and cranny, every outside angle, every etching in the concrete retaining walls, driveways, and patios where long ago each of us had marked our presence with a name or a handprint.

As we pulled away from the curb one last time, in my mind’s eye I could see mom and dad and Joyce and Ruth, sitting on the front porch, each with a beer in hand, waving at our car as we drove down the street. The ghosts of Anderson Street never looked so happy.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Birthday Memories

My old dog Bandit giving me a big kiss on my 40th birthday, March 1, 1997.

Today is my birthday. I was born on a Friday in Paterson, New Jersey, in the midst of a blizzard that roared across the eastern seaboard. My Uncle Ted, in port from his job with the Merchant Marines, was home with mom that day. According to mom he panicked at the thought of being trapped with a woman about to give birth. He shoveled and shoveled and then shoveled some more while they waited for dad to come home and take mom to the hospital. Mom said he was sweating furiously and she was afraid he might have a heart attack right then and there. Uncle Ted was so relieved to get mom out the door and on her way. Mom said she remembered lying in her hospital bed during labor and listening to nurses walking up and down the hallway singing
"M - I - C ..... K - E - Y ..... M - O - U - S - E ....."

I have been sorting through old family pictures and discovered lots of birthday pictures. Mom was big on birthdays. She liked to make each of us our favorite meal, and she insisted on the entire hoopla with birthday cake and candles and singing. I always adored the cakes but wasn’t real big on the part with the silly birthday song. Mom always marked each year by placing numbered candles or plastic decorations on the cake that showed our age. At the time it seemed kind of silly but it certainly makes it easier to identify the year. Good going mom!

Personally I am not much into birthday celebrations. I was never comfortable being the center of attention. When Dave and I are at a restaurant and someone has been pegged for a birthday celebration, I always tell him: “Don’t ever do that to me!” You know the kind of event, a group of waiters crowd around the table, place a sombrero on the birthday person’s head, then sing and clap their hands or ring cowbells. I’m sure lots of people enjoy this type of fuss but I’m not one of them.

Some of my favorite memories are a bit on the quirky side. For my 13th birthday, mom baked a cake that had little ribbons streaming down the sides, disappearing deep into the middle layer. When you pulled on each ribbon, out came a dime. That year I pocketed $1.30 in gooey coins, not good for much except an extra lick or two and then straight into the piggy bank.

For my 18th birthday, mom invited a group of high school girls over for her famous homemade “square pizza” and Coke. We were all pompon girls and used to posing in disciplined, organized, and fun group shots. First mom had us create a girl pyramid, and then she had us climb and pose hanging in various configurations off the limbs of our honey locust tree.

When I turned 25, I was certain my life was all but over. As a teenager, I had made any number of plans and schemes, all of which were going to be accomplished by the time I was 25. Not sure how I managed to assign 25 with such mystical, magical qualities, but by 1982 I had not accomplished one single thing. Being such an utter failure at age 25, I was depressed and whiney, so my brother planned a surprise birthday party to cheer me up. But instead of the usual tactic for a surprise party, he had a number of friends and family just show up at my apartment at an appointed time. Good thing I was home!

I was so excited when I turned 35 because that meant I was old enough to run for president! Not that I ever planned to, mind you, but I was happy to know that I could… if I wanted to. Turns out I never really did want to.

My 40th birthday was great. I felt so settled, so mature, as if I finally had a good, solid number to match the wisdom I had acquired. I still had lots to learn but felt good inside my head, if not my skin. My friend and I had a fun night out on the town in Denver. It was a great year, all around.

So much happened between 40 and 50, it was a whirlwind decade. Then before I knew it, I was turning 50. Dave’s parents both had fallen ill at the same time a few months prior. So how did I spend my 50th birthday? Ripping out carpet out in Dave's childhood home, revealing the pretty hardwood floors that were going to help us sell the house as his parents transitioned to assisted living and finally nursing care. Dave and his sister were busy meeting with nursing, hospital, and facility staff so I tore out all the carpet myself. Do I know how to have fun or what?

Without a doubt my favorite birthday memory comes courtesy of my mother. After I left home, mom would call me at the exact hour of my birth to wish me happy birthday. In the days before caller ID, it was the most reliable way of knowing who was on the other line. When the phone rang at 3:43 PM on March 1, I could pick up the the call and answer confidently, "Hi, mom!" We laughed about it every year.

My brother Ted also received a birthday call from mom, at 7:38 PM each January 12. Thank goodness neither of us were born in the middle of the night! Ted and I try to remember to keep up the tradition with each other, but we are not as diligent as mom was. I have to admit that this year, I forgot to make Ted's birthday call.

So today at 3:43 PM, I hope to get a call from my brother but even if I don't, at 3:43 PM I will be thinking of mom. After all, the day really was ours to share.